Assalamu Alaikum Reader,

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I want to share something very personal with you today, because I know many of us go through these moments quietly.

Not too long ago, in the middle of me navigating postpartum as a mother of 4—exhausted, craving my husband’s attention, and still working through my own feelings of resentment—he said a word that stopped me in my tracks:

“Bezaar.” (spelled Bay-zaar)

At first, I assumed he meant work. Life. Stress. But when I gently dug deeper, I realized… he meant me.

I actually went to Google Translate to understand what “bezaar” really meant. It said: tired, unhappy, upset, hopeless.

And in that moment, I felt heavy. Shell shocked.

But here’s the thing—because I’ve been reflective and intentional with my inner work, I didn’t spiral. I held space for myself, made dua, and this is how I chose to see it:

👉🏻 This isn’t permanent. He’s in a low. I can make dua, I can keep doing my best.

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👉🏻 I received the feedback without being defensive. I asked what bothers him about me and what he’d want instead. Alhamdulillah, he could only express the first part. That’s okay. His words—“I’m tired of your complaints and demands”—are his perspective, not the entire reality.

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👉🏻 I reframe with compassion. What he hears as “complaints and demands” are often my attempts at connection. And yes, life right now is full of chores and troubleshooting, so maybe that’s all he hears. He’s tired. That’s about his state, not my worth.

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👉🏻 I choose to see this as love, in its own way. Often we get “bezaar” with what feels unnecessary or heavy. For me, I’ve shifted—I see these daily efforts as part of what Allah has written for me. So I don’t see it as a burden anymore, just part of my path.

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Compassion anchors me. His “bezaar” doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. It means he’s struggling. And maybe when he sees me tired, he feels like he has to fix it—and he can’t. That, too, is his love.

And yes, while I still crave romance and acknowledgment, I also realized that love takes different forms in different seasons. Maybe right now, this is the session of love we are meant to have.

✨ This is what moving from resentment to rahmah looks like—it’s not pretty, not Instagram-perfect, but it’s real, grounding, and full of growth.

If you’re in a place where your husband’s words or actions shake you, where you’re unsure how to stay reassured as a wife—I recorded a masterclass just for you:

👉 Watch the Recording: 3 Ways to Be a Reassured Wife​

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With du’as for strength, rahmah, and barakah in your marriage,
​Insiya Abdur Raheem
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​Insiyaar.com​

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