Assalamualaikum Reader,

I've been sitting with something this week and I just had to share it with you. We've been sold a concept that doesn't actually belong in our worldview, and I think it's quietly doing a lot of damage in our marriages.

The concept of forever.

Think about it. Nothing in this dunya is forever. No one is forever sad. No one is forever angry. No one is forever hurt. And no one, no matter how deeply in love, is forever content, forever patient, forever showing up perfectly.

This is not a flaw in the design. This is the design.

Allah ﷻ created us in states. Moments. Waves. The Quran itself speaks of ease after hardship, not as a one-time promise, but as a rhythm. A constant alternation. That is the mercy built into our existence.

But somewhere along the way, we absorbed this idea that a good marriage should feel like forever love. Forever respect. Forever care. And so when our husbands show up as the deeply human, occasionally frustrating, sometimes wonderful and sometimes exhausting people that they are, we panic. We judge. We keep score. We wonder if something is broken.

Reader nothing is broken. The wave is just doing what waves do.Your husband is human. He will mess up. So will you. That is not a crisis, that is a marriage.

And then there's this, we are fresh out of Ramadan. The last ten nights. Laylatul Qadr. A time of profound blessing that descended on every single one of us whether we felt it or not, whether we caught it or not. Allah's mercy doesn't wait for us to be ready. But now? Eid has passed. The babies are unwell. (Mine too, honestly, we are very much in the beautiful chaos over here 🤍) The routines haven't quite come back. And the high of Ramadan can make the ordinary feel like a loss.

This is the moment I see so many women reach for accountability. For their husbands to step up, show more love, be better, do more. And I understand that impulse, I really do.

So I want to gently offer this:

The shaming, the judging, the holding accountable from a place of depletion, it doesn't just affect your marriage. It affects your relationship with Allah. It affects your own wellbeing. It keeps you stuck in a cycle that feels righteous but actually just keeps you exhausted.

What if instead, we released the forever standard, just for this week?

What if we let our husbands be human, let ourselves be human, and met this post-Ramadan dip with a little more rahmah than we think we deserve to give?

That's my invitation to you this week.

Behind the scenes, something is quietly taking shape over here that I think many of you are going to want to be a part of. I'm not ready to share everything just yet, but if you've been feeling like you need more than a newsletter to move forward in your marriage and in yourself, stay close. Something is coming for you. 🤍

As always, reply and tell me, did this land? Is the forever standard something you've been holding without realising it?

I always love hearing from you.

With duas,

Insiya

P.S. If someone forwarded this to you and you want to join our little corner of the internet, you can subscribe here. 🤍

​insiyaar.com​